Böcker man borde läsa

Jag är ju ofta på jakt efter lite mer udda böcker när jag ska nöjesläsa och det inte handlar om att testläsa eller att läsa en bok för en recension.
Disorder in the Court” tror jag att jag måste beställa, verkar ju hysteriskt rolig 🙂 Den kom ut för snart 20 år sedan, men jag har lyckats missat den.

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History by [Sevilla, Charles M.]

Någon som läst den och kan gå i god för att den är lika rolig hela vägen? 🙂

Dezmin

Annonser

14 svar till “Böcker man borde läsa

  1. Hahaha, jag dööör! Den verkar ju helt underbar. 😀 only in the USA! 😂 Du måste berätta sedan om den höll stilen hela vägen 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Måste jag ha! 😀 IQ 20, det man måste ha för att kunna andas, va?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Skitkul bok vad det verkar.
    Fick mig att minnas en gång när jag var ledsagare på en rättegång. En åtalad började med att skälla ut Domaren. När den åtalade blev åthutad av sin Advokat så började han skrika och bråka med honom. Det slutade med att den åtalade började slå en annan medåtalad och fick föras ut till ett närliggande förhörsrum med hjälp av vakter.
    Jag tänkte då att personalen på Länsrätten måste nog se mycket roligt.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ja, jag tror den kan vara riktigt kul att läsa 🙂
      Men, hahaha, vilken cirkus! Kan också tänka mig att advokater, domare och åklagare, får vara med om en hel del roligt. Man kanske borde gå som åhörare på fler rättegångar och se vad de säger. Kanske finns det material till en hel bok bara i svenska domstolar 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Men så jäkla roligt!!! ”Oral” 😀
    Den där boken skulle jag också vilja läsa.
    Har du läst journalgrodor, de finns på nätet (Avigsidan), också rätt festliga. ”Allergisk mot Tim och Tej.” http://www.avigsidan.com/avigsidan/avigt011a.html

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jag är så svag för sånt här liksom alla sorters tokiga särskrivningar och syftningsfel. 😊
    Bröt typ ihop vid oral… 😂 Ser framemot att höra mer om denna. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Nej, läser bara svenska böcker!

    Liked by 1 person

Kommentera

Fyll i dina uppgifter nedan eller klicka på en ikon för att logga in:

WordPress.com Logo

Du kommenterar med ditt WordPress.com-konto. Logga ut /  Ändra )

Google+-foto

Du kommenterar med ditt Google+-konto. Logga ut /  Ändra )

Twitter-bild

Du kommenterar med ditt Twitter-konto. Logga ut /  Ändra )

Facebook-foto

Du kommenterar med ditt Facebook-konto. Logga ut /  Ändra )

Ansluter till %s